?> The Hobo's Guide - The Recipes Of The Hobo

BACK PACK HAM

Some serious gourmet shit now I know it takes a little while to make but for 4 to 5 pounds of delicious high intensely cured pork product its worth it. This can be used as a flavoring for any number of dishes or enjoyed on its own this dish will make you proud to be a self sustained hobo.
NOTE: This is a cold weather recipe so don't blame me if you die from making it in the summer

Ingredients:

Method:
Mix most of the salt with the brown sugar and mound onto meat put the whole dam thing in a big ole pickle jar and make holes in the top.
Put it in your pack and turn it every day for five days in a smaller jar combine fat and rest of salt.
After five days take out your pig and wipe with your hankie cover the meaty side with your cured fat cut into thin slices
Tie it with string @ 2 inch intervals.
With the back side of your skillet smash remaining spices to a coarse powder.
Mash the spices with hooch and garlic.
Cover the meat with this mixture then roll it tight with cheese cloth.
Hang it from your pack for at least 5 weeks and enjoy.

HOBO FOIE GRAS

Farming on your back! I tell you its possible and this dish proves it. Fattened goose liver is one of the most prized delicacies in the world, selling for hundreds of dollars a pound. But all you need to do is steal a goose and commit horrible acts of animal cruelty on it. As an added bonus, you get an unusually rich goose carcass to boot.

Just one note: if you intend to roast the goose boil it for 30 to 45 minutes. Then remove the goose and do what you want to it. But be sure to let the boiling water cool and skim and save the fat because it is liquid love. It is the tastiest of all the fats in the animal kingdom!

Ingredients:

One Live Stolen Goose
Lotsa Dried Corn Meal
Water

Method:
Tie the damned goose by the feet.
Every time you stop walking take a short length of garden hose cram it down the throat of the beast.
Mix the corn and water to a paste and force as much as u can down the tube.
Continue this for 2 to 3 weeks.
If the force feeding don't kill it it will yield one 4 to 5 pound liver and a big fat ass goose.

TIP: If you let the goose stay near you when u bed down it will act as watch dog and will alert u to near by danger.

CATTAIL SALAD

Cattails are those big ugly swamp weeds. They grow in patches so its easy to collect enough to feed you and your buddies they are also very, very tasty. They taste something like artichoke hearts and my warm dressing is just divine.

Ingredients:
As many Cattail stalks as possible (peeled down to the soft white centers)
Bacon (minced)
Fine Mustard
Vinegar

Method:
Boil the hearts of cattail for 30 seconds.
Meanwhile heat the bacon in a skillet till most of the fat is rendered.
Add mustard and vinegar.
Toss the hearts with dressing and serve while still warm.

FILIPINO BOX SPRING HOG

Crispy crunchy skin, meltingly tender and flavorful flesh! Need I say more.

NOTE: If you can't muster the whole hog, you could do it with any skin-on portion of a pig.

Ingredients:
Hog
Ginger Ale Soda
Spic Spice (in more PC circles known as Adobo)
Garlic
A box spring (from a bed)
The removed hood of a car

Method:
Dig a deep pit.
Line it with stones and start a big ass fire inside it.
At this point toss your box spring in alowe all cloth to burn off it.
Make a paste of spic spice and ginger ale.
Now make little slits all over your pig and stuff cloves of garlic in each.
Rub piggy down with paste.
Now throw piggy on top of box spring.
Cover hole loosely with the car hood.
Let it roast for 8-16 hours depending on its size.
Enjoy face first.





DOWN AND OUT NOODLES

Now can't say this is my favorite but it fills your stomach. It ain't bad it for one of the days that you want meat but you just can't muster it. All you need is a good imagination.

Ingredients:
Lasagna Noodles
Bullion Cubes
Water
Flour

Method:
Boil lasagna noodles all the way through.
Drain set aside to dry some.
Now prepare bullion and stir in flour to make a gravy.
Add noodles back to pan serve and imagine it is a real nice porterhouse.

TIP: If you happen to come upon a little ground beef you could make a variation on this dish. Just brown up that meat. Add some onion, garlic and breadcumbs to make a stuffing. Put a spoonful or two of the stuffing on the cooked noodle. Roll it jellyroll style. Tie each one closed with string and heat it in the gravy.

PO MANS CHEESE STEAK

This one I like even better than the original. The roll comes out all soggy with the wonderful grease and juices. This is a high energy food the kind that can keep you going for 18 hours of hard hustling. A cold coke is the perfect accompaniment to this rib sticker.

Ingredients:

Cheap Ass Baloney
Onions
Cheese Whiz
Rolls
Pickled Peppers

Method:
Mince onion.
Cut baloney into long strips.
Sauté onions till slightly browned add baloney.
Cook till baloney is slightly brown.
Stuff the rolls with your "steak".
Top with peppers and slather with cheese whiz
Wrap in newspaper and enjoy.

K.F. SOUP

This is a wonderful potage. It is important to use as many veggies as possible and brown them real good.

NOTE: If the soup looks thin mix equal parts lard or butter and flour in a separate pan and heat together till it is chocolate brown and nutty smelling then stir it in.

Ingredients:
Bones of K.F.C.
Onion
Carrot
Celery
Garlic
Potatoes
K.F.C. Gravy (if available}

Method:
First brown potatoes and seasoning set aside.
Brown first five ingredients.
When brown add gravy.
Top with water
Season to taste.
When water a become a rich stock add potatoes back and boil till tender.

TIP: K.F. Soup is even better if you have a piece or two with the meat still on it. Just strip it off the bone, shred it small and toss it in in the last five minutes or so.



 

LICKITY SPLIT HOBO CHILI

The greatest simplest fastest chili I have ever made. If pressed for time it could be done in 30 minutes plenty spicy and soooo rich. If when done it seems like it needs something add a veggie bullion cube, if your that type.

Ingredients:
2 lbs Chili Grind Red Meat
.25 Cups of Good Quality Chili Powder
.5 Cups Carrots
.5 Cup Celery
2 Cup Onions
8 Cloves Garlic
4 Chorizo
2 Cans of Beer
.5 Can of Tomato Paste
3 Jalepaneo Peppers, Roasted, Skinned, Seeded, and Minced to a Paste
Cumin to Taste
Salt
Cayenne Pepper
One Can Pinto Beans

Method:
Brown meat in a little lard set aside.
Render fat from sliced chorizo, set chorizo aside.
Brown veggies in chorizo fat.
Add chili powder and cook for .75 min.
Add back chorizo,beef
Add tomato paste,jalepaneos, pintos, cumin and beer
Simmer covered to desired consistency.
Season to taste with salt and cayenne pepper.

GNOCCHI

A damned simple pasta to make and even easier to eat. Its filling and tasty. A benefit of this recipe for all you yuppie scumbags who want to prove what a creative and skilled chefs you are is this recipe tells you how to make your own Gnocchi from scratch instead of buying it at the gourmet garage. And that really shines those high class bitches you chase around on.

NOTE: Alternatively this can be enjoyed in any pasta sauce. Especially a bacon, tomato and crushed red pepper sauce.

Ingredients:
3 Boiled Potatoes
Flour
1 Egg (lightly scrambled)
10 Leaves Sage
Butter

Method:
Peel spuds & mash em
add egg and work in enough flour to make a sticky dough.
Roll the dough into snakes and cut into 3/4 inch pieces.
Boil in salted water till appealing texture has been achieved.
Meanwhile melt butter in pan add sage, season to taste.
Then drain pasta and sauté in butter sage sauce till lightly browned.
Top with fresh grated hard cheese and serve.

FRIED GREEN TOMATO SANDWICHES

Stealing green tomatoes is like banging Puerto Ricans. It easy and they are everywhere. This sandwich is just lovley another posible topping is roasted garlic.

Ingredients:
Green Tomatoes
Salt
Three Day Old Bread
Fresh Bread
Oil for Deep Frying
Anchovie Fillets
1 Egg
1 Shot Milk
Lemon

Method:
Slice tomatoes about .5 inch thick & salt em.
Meanwhile take the crusts off the old bread and wrap them in your hankie and smash fine.
Mix egg and milk dip tomato in mixture then in bread crumbs.
Fry till golden brown drain on newspaper.
Season lightly with salt and pepper.
Put an anchovie fillet on each slice.
Assemble sandwich.
Squeeze lemon over tomato slices.

Tip: If you can get it you can add a drop or two of olive oil and some crushed red pepper flakes. Also fresh goat cheese dose the right thing to this sandwich.